Positive Vibes

Tikah and I were having lunch at Awwal (our usual place lol ) when suddenly she said, "I always like seeing special children." I didn't hear what she said, because I was too busy munching lol (typical Hanani) so I asked, "What?"

She repeated what she said, and she got my attention the moment she said 'special children'. I felt like choking.

"You know, like your late brother? I always like seeing them."

I don't like when people ask about my siblings, because then I'd have to explain the whole thing and they'd feel sorry for me and bla bla bla, yada yada.

Tikah knows everything, but still I don't like people to talk about my brother, even if it's Tikah.

I kept quiet, still chewing my food. She continued, "Like the kid behind you."

I turned around and saw a family of five or six, I didn't really count. One kid attracted my attention. Just a glance and I knew he's different. He wore spectacles and had a haircut just like my brother did. I looked at him for about 10 seconds. He looked so much like my brother. I wanted to look at him even longer but I knew it'd be weird and obvious so I quickly looked at my food, trying not to cry.

'Shoot Tikah, shoot. Don't do this to me, at least not here, not now, not in the public,' I said to myself.

Tikah continued, "I admire their parents, they're so strong."

I nodded and added, "Yeah, they are. My mum had to bathe my brother every single day as if he's still a kid."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," I started talking. "Even when he wanted to eat, my mum would give him plastic bowls and cups so that they wouldn't break whenever he handled them."

Tikah didn't hear what I was talking about, because she looked at her phone and laughed. I realised I had to keep quiet after that, before it got worse.

I turned around again once I finished eating, hoping that I'd get to see the kid again. But he was not there, they were not there. They've left.

I always have a soft spot for special children, especially those who have autisme. Since I volunteered to be a fasilitator for my college and our CSR event, I realised that's what I want to keep doing. I want to help people, those who are in need.

During our first CSR meeting, we had to vote on what kind of project we'd like to do. Someone suggested helping autistic kids and I raised up my hand so high. I wanted to do that so badly. But most of the people in my team don't really have an idea on what autisme is. A guy stood up and explained, and it brought me to tears but I tried to hold it back. Nobody noticed, I'm quite good at that.

We ended up doing an English programme in a school, where most of the students hardly speak English. That's fine by me, but of course I can't help but to feel a bit disappointed that the majority didn't choose autistic kids. Although I knew that even if we did, I'd probably cry the whole day of the event.

I want to help those in need, very much. I don't care if they're the homeless or anak-anak yatim. As long as they need help, I want to be a part of it. I want to contribute something to the society.

But being a student who is not free 24/7 and doesn't have a car, it's hard to volunteer.

So I thought of an alternative. Start with something small, like saying 'Good Morning' and smile to mak cik cleaner rather than ignoring their existance. Make them feel appreciated. Plus, it'd give both parties positive vibes, inshaAllah. 

Happy new year, everyone. Positive thinking, positive mind, positive vibes. Hopefully. 

Hanani x