Depressed?

Ummmm where do I start? First of all, I apologise for 'locking up', making my blog private. I didn't feel like writing and I needed some space. To let things go. To clear my mind a bit.

The main reason I write is just for my own satisfaction. I don't mind not having any readers at all, but I know some of my friends do read everything I wrote here - which sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable (because that means I can't write anything personal lol), but that's okay. Once in a while I do like my thoughts and opinions to be read. :)

These last few months have been hectic, although I don't think 'hectic' is the suitable word to describe what I went through. 'One hell of a roller coaster ride' is much more suitable lol, but I might be exaggerating and maybe it's all only in my mind.

A few friends asked my housemates about me (thank you so much for asking, you know who you are), because they thought I was depressed. Haha. I may be retweeting all these depressing and suicidal tweets but trust me, I am not depressed at all. I am fine and I feel fine. I have no intention to kill myself or whatsoever. Not in a million years. I appreciate silence and I just like to be alone sometimes.

Yes, I have a lot of things going on in my head, but that doesn't make me depressed. I do feel sad when these specific thoughts come to my mind but it's okay. I'm used to be all alone and that's fine by me. :)

I don't want other people to feel what I feel. So I've always like to inspire people and give them motivational quotes just to cheer them up. But this past year made me realise that I am the one who needs to be fixed first. I need to get the pieces of my broken heart together before I can do that to anyone else.

I've been collecting every positive quote I found online, screenshoted and saved them in my gallery so that I can read them whenever I feel down. I don't know why but it's so easy to make me sad nowadays. :(

To all my friends,
I am sorry I was not there when you were sad. You have no idea how much I wanted to help, but I'm so bad at giving advices that I do not know how to console you, especially when I myself am drowning in my own thoughts. :(

I will, though, try to send out love and kindness whenever and wherever I can, because I want you to know that you're not alone.

Yours truly, who is struggling but not depressed,
Hanani x