Then it started to take a huge leap when suddenly a very close friend pushed me away, because of a reason to this day I still have no clue, and I hated that the most. Before I even knew it, I lost him. It felt like going through a break up. We do not have any special relationship, but there were memories of us which I held dearly, although there were times where he downgraded me so low to the point he made me feel full of hatred and insecure of myself. I came to realise he was a poison in my cupboard that I've been keeping, and so came a time when I finally decided to throw that bottle of poison away, forever.
Do I still feel sad? There are times where the sadness kicks in and I can feel the pain of an old scar in my heart. There are times where I found myself scrolling through his tweets just to know his updates and well-being. I quickly tried to throw that feeling away, as he is no longer useful or meaningful to me. Not anymore.
In the meantime, acquaintances in Colchester became close friends, and I couldn't be happier. If not because of them, I'd be lost and alone in the deep dark sea. I would've died in the strong waves of my negative and depressing thoughts. I am now grateful to Him for placing me here in Essex and not in Warwick, for I wouldn't have survived there at all. Truly He is the best planner.
The year ended downhill with the death news of a loved one. I didn't have any feelings at first, just like how I was nine years ago. But as time passed, I became devastated. The last thing I would want in the world is to lose another family member. I'm still healing from the bad news from nine years ago, I couldn't bear to handle another one. The tears and hugs I received from my beloved housemates and close friends made me even sadder, and that's when I realised I love them for the sake of Allah. That night we read the Yassin and did a small tahlil for all of our lost loved ones. I felt a mixture of feelings that night: Overwhelmed, grateful, sadness, touched, love.
To my girls in Essex: Sarah, Nadh, Lisa, Zethy, Aisyah, Wan, Malin and Ezzah.
You girls are truly the bomb and I pray nothing but the best both in the world and akhirat.
Here's to a new year of 2018. May we receive happiness, blessings and love, and if we ever come across obstacles, I hope all of us are strong enough to overcome them, together.
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| My wall of pictures, and I love the fact that they're increasing bit by bit. |
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