Tawakal

Assalamualaikum.

Just like what you read in the news and newspapers, SPM results will be out on this Thursday [20/3], and I, of course, as one of the candidates, couldn't help but to be scared too.

One thing I learn about confidence is, be confident but not too confident.

Why?

When I was in Standard 6, I couldn't remember whether it was my Mid-Year or my monthly exams, I was so confident that I will get an A in Science. Very confident, because I thought most of my answers are correct. But it turns out I got 78, just two more marks to get an A.

I was so dissapointed, and I cried. Haha, yes. It sounds funny now that I remember it.

So since that day, I told myself that in every examination, I should be confident but not too confident. Alaa, you know, like, "I could get an A in this subject, but no, I could also get a B."

Don't get it? Haiyo, it's so hard to explain.

Like, you are positive about your results, but at the same there are negative thoughts. However, the positive thoughts are much more than the negative ones. Therefore, your mind is positive, although there are also negative in it.

Hahaha. Baik punya explanation, Nani. -.-

Anyways, what I'm trying to write is that when I was about to get my UPSR and PMR results five and two years ago, I was pretty confident because I know I did my absolute best.

But this time? No, I am not as confident as I used to be.

Because somehow I feel like I didn't try my very best. Another reason is I know my answers are pretty much crap and I did make a few silly mistakes, so yeah.

I tried a few times before to tell my parents that my result may not be as good as they think but I just didn't know how to put it.

I finally managed to tell them and their reactions are [including my sister's because she was there as well]:

Mum: Insha Allah, kakak boleh. Tak ada apa-apalah.

Sister: Kakak mesti boleh dapat punya, lainlah kalau adik ni. [Alahai, rendah diri pula adik saya seorang ni.]

My dad kept quiet at first, and I thought it's because he didn't know what to say, as he's not very talkative, but later he said: Tak apa, jangan risau. ILP sentiasa ada.

T__________T

I appreciate the supportive words tapi kalau dapat yang ________, macam mana?

T_______________________________T

*speechless*

Right now, I can only hope for the best. The positive thoughts that I have now is I can get the good results that I've always wanted. If everyone can do it, so can I. But if my results are not so good, maybe Allah wants me to push harder during Matrix or in university. Kan? ^^

Since yesterday, if I ever bring up about this topic to my mum, she'd say, "Tak payah sebut la. Sakit perut dah ni."

We've studied hard, we've worked hard, we pray and pray and now, tawakal sajalah.